29
Aug

Dumb Criminals: Paris Hilton arrested after dropping bag of coke on cops’ shoes

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paris_hilton_arrest_cocaine_mugshot Some people can’t get away with anything. Paris Hilton appears to be such a person. At left is her LVPD mugshot, which was taken after a bag of cocaine fell out of her purse while her boyfriend was being questioned by cops for driving down the LV strip as a cloud of marijuana smoke poured out of his windows.

But really, given the unorthodox angle of Hilton’s mugshot picture, we’re wondering who was intoxicated; Hilton or the cop taking the picture?

What is with that? And why does she look so pleasant? Oh I know why, because people with money can buy their way out of trouble. Must be nice, huh?

Anyway, one Darwin Award coming up for Paris!!

26
Aug

New York City cabbie slasher dude arraigned, MI slasher no bail, Tiger

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nyc cabbie knife attack enright

The NYC cabbie slasher dude has been arraigned. I vote for a speedy trial. Get this dude in general population as quickly as possible. In other slasher newsthe Michigan serial slasher dude has been ordered held without bond. He is suspected in over ten slashings , five resulting in death!

In related news, a government report published Thursday states that 90,000 inmates report being victimized sexually by another inmate or staff member in 2009.  NYC cabbie slasher dude will need to watch his back if he wishes to preserve his virginity.

tiger_woods_elin

Tiger Woods is back in the hunt after shooting a killer 6 under par at his latest golf tournament. I don’t know what or where the tournament is. All I know is that his smiling mugshot is all over the news. He looks uplifted, inspired and refreshed. You would be too if you owed your wife $750,000,000 and just got your job back. (more…)

25
Aug

Heidi Montag’s quest for perfection coming apart at the seams.. literally

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“My boobs are crushing me,” the 23-year-old starlet, who underwent 10 plastic surgeries earlier this year, told LIFE & STYLE magazine. “My body’s still getting used to them and I have major anxiety about it.” Waaaaaaaa… (more…)

25
Aug

Stank o’ the Week: Timmy Timbaland’s TWO MILLION DOLLAR suicide watch

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timbaland, $2 million watch, distraught, suicide

timbaland, $2 million watch, distraught, suicide

Dude, wtf is wrong with your boy Timbaland? Timba went goofy when he found out his $2 mil watch was stolen. Cops picked him up after concerned family calls. Now the fam’ got him on suicide watch. Talk about a watch to die for! (more…)

23
Aug

Monday morning stank

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gunmen phllipines hostage busAngry dudes with guns stormed a tour bus in the Phillipines and took a whole bunch of terrified people hostage. Their demands? They wanted their jobs back. ‘Tis true. Dudes, Darwin is calling and has an award for you. Word to those who lose their jobs: Never demand your job back with a weapon.

On the heels of report stating 1 in 5 Americans think Obama is a Muslim, the Reverend Franklin Graham, son of the Rev. Billy Graham, opined, “I think the president’s problem is that he was (more…)

22
Aug

The Last Exorcism? Not so fast! Here’s ten more exorcisms we’d like to see

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18
Aug

Dr. Jerry lets another one rip, don’t miss the Blagojevich dreadlocked juror!

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18
Aug

Stank o’ the Week: Rolling Stone Magazine

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Can you believe this new cover of Rolling Stone? Apparently the subjects are from the HBO show “True Blood” and the shot was supposed to… anyway… what a disgrace. What a complete and utter disgrace

rollingstone

17
Aug

Where the Smiling Kings Are - Or “How Dan Gilbert Lost King James”

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The short and tragic story of how Dan Gilbert lost his coveted king Lebron James. Will make a lot more sense if you have seen the movie or are familiar with the book Where the Wild Things Are.

16
Aug

Dr. Jerry Belltower squeezes out a stinker to kick off the week

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