I am SO sorry for not posting in the past four months. What happened? We moved. Have you ever moved? Of course you have. And since you’ve moved I needn’t tell you how the process turns your life upside down. And if you’ve never moved, well, it’s probably time you did, friend. I suggest one move per year for maximum chaos. Hit me back with your 2009 moving story!
But enough about moving furniture. Let’s talk about moving AIR! Did you catch the comeback kid Miss Whitney Houston on the American Music Awards this week? Listen I LOVE Whitney Houston– errr the OLD Whitney Houston. Wait, I meant to say the EARLY Whitney Houston. You know, 80’s/90’s Whitney. The PRE BOBBY Whitney. The POST BOBBY Whitney? Not so much.
Post Bobby Whitney was on the American Music Awards singing her new song “Didn’t Know My Own Strength” a few nights ago. As always she blew hard–err I mean her pipes blew hard. But her most noteworthy achievement was pulling off a dazzling variety of soul-stirring runs, trills, glissandos, and soulful embellishments for a jaw-dropping four minutes straight without ever singing a melody! And you, the tone deaf 21st century listener, thought country music legend Reba Macintyre was crying out of appreciation. She was crying in pain!
You don’t believe me? I submit the evidence for your own judgment:
Satisfied?
I only wish Simon Cowell, or even Paula Abdul or Randy, would have been there to say to Whitney “Song choice, song choice, song choice!” Although Simon probably would have bashed the overall performance as “ghastly,” because quite frankly.. it was.
Yes, yes, yes, I’m overjoyed Whitney has moved on with her life, taken care of her beautiful little daughter, and made a comeback. As I said, I love Whitney. I own all her music (and play her songs on the piano when I’m in the mood to fry my vocal chords and torture anyone in the vicinity). I’m just saying this performance was horrible, and just because we respect her accomplishments doesn’t mean we should lie to one another (or her) about her performance. So without further ado, we present this month’s coveted tuna juice award to Whitney Houston and the “I didn’t know my own stank” songwriting team for a perfectly stinky song and performance.
Yes, Adam Lambert was in the running for this month’s award, but in the end we agreed while his performance was outrageously stanky, he can’t be taken seriously because he’s merely another confused teenage victim of the American liberal apocalypse and simply knows not what he does. We say give the exploited kid a break.
On the topic of breaks, I hope my wife will give me one. Last night after an evening of salad, pizza, and cinnamon rolls I laid on the living room floor while my beautiful family watched TV and unleashed an airplane hangar’s worth of stank so bad they all nearly passed out. As my wife climbed the stairs in retreat, she howled to the kids, “Your Dad doesn’t know his own stank!” So it is to her I owe credit for the parody, and it is I who didn’t know his own stank until last night. God help me.
Also, a quick note about a new show on called The Brian McKnight Show. At first I thought this show might be cheesy. It’s not. It’s great. Brian is a stand up guy and a great host. Ruben was on his show last night and it was a joy to see two honest, God fearing, humble men talk about (and perform) good soul music. I have nothing but respect for Brian and think the world could use a lot more guys like him.
Happy Stanksgiving everyone and God bless you and yours.
This entry was written by , posted on November 25, 2009 at 9:51 am, filed under Pop Culture and tagged adam lambert, american music awards 2009, award show, didn't know my own strength, reba mac, whitney houston. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.
