Have you seen the new season of Last Comic Standing? Everything is very funny… except the host Craig Robinson. Look I am not trying to hate on big Craig. Craig is about as harmless as a defanged Rottweiler. He just aint funny. He aint funny on Office, he aint funny on LCS.
I would like to see Craig try his hand at Lifetime movies or something. I could see him playing the role of the mute witness who testifies for the beaten wife in sign language. That would be perfect for him. Then there is NICK CANNON. Ergh. The guy who brought us songs like “Gigolo” and “My Crunk Shorty” is now the host of America’s Got Freaks. I don’t know how he got this role. Then again, any lineup that includes the incredibly untalented Howie “Hey look at me aren’t I funny??” Mandel has a fairly low talent bar. Anyway, I’m ok with Mr. Carey. It’s all good. We cool. I just wish he would stop BITING Ryan Seacrest’s “THIS.. is America’s Got Talent” slogan. Because THAT is WACK, Nick… like your rap songs.
On a lighter note, here is some consolation for all the untalented people in the world with big dreams: Craig and Nick prove that you DON’T need TALENT to make it in Hollywood. You just need a full head of a hair and some luck.. neither of which are in my personal reach. 
Speaking of reach, who is taller? Nick or Mariah?
Speaking of height, my man Gary Coleman is dead. Ok he is not my man, of course. I’m not sure if he was ANYONE’S man. Lil’ Gary wasn’t one to mince words. I wasn’t impressed with his stature near as much as I was impressed with his face yoga. Gary is the only person I have ever seen who could split his face into halves and aim the lower half at the person interviewing him, and the upper half into outer space.
Here is Gary in court with his wife. Divorce court. Is this the same girl who claimed he abused her or something? What did he do, sister? Jump off the banister and ride you around the living room like a wild bull? Sheesh. Is this the same woman who took pictures of his corpse and then sold them to some morbid tabloid? Way to keep it classy girl.
Speaking of classy girls, how about that Miley Cyrus? Is she an all world class convention or what? Her Dad is like “Duh, uh, she’s just havin’ fun dude. Leave her alone.” Did you see her bumping and grinding with the old guy? Look I am not hating on him she is a little cutie I’m not going to sit here and type up lies. But come on already. Where is the restraint?
Speaking of restraint. “Big Ben” (an ominous moniker for a twice alleged rapist) has all the restraint of a child in a swimming pool. For God’s sake someone put that thing in a knot until he gets out of his 30’s. Ok ok ok whatever, he’s innocent. Mmm hmm. Fool us once Big Ben…
Ok I’ll be back soon… definitely sooner than Lil’ Wayne mayne
This entry was written by , posted on June 13, 2010 at 1:24 am, filed under Hollywierd and tagged Ben Roethlisberger, craig robinson, gary coleman, mariah carey, nick cannon, the office. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.
