But really, given the unorthodox angle of Hilton’s mugshot picture, we’re wondering who was intoxicated; Hilton or the cop taking the picture?

What is with that? And why does she look so pleasant? Oh I know why, because people with money can buy their way out of trouble. Must be nice, huh?

Anyway, one Darwin Award coming up for Paris!!

The NYC cabbie slasher dude has been arraigned. I vote for a speedy trial. Get this dude in general population as quickly as possible. In other slasher newsthe Michigan serial slasher dude has been ordered held without bond. He is suspected in over ten slashings , five resulting in death!

In related news, a government report published Thursday states that 90,000 inmates report being victimized sexually by another inmate or staff member in 2009.  NYC cabbie slasher dude will need to watch his back if he wishes to preserve his virginity.

Tiger Woods is back in the hunt after shooting a killer 6 under par at his latest golf tournament. I don’t know what or where the tournament is. All I know is that his smiling mugshot is all over the news. He looks uplifted, inspired and refreshed. You would be too if you owed your wife $750,000,000 and just got your job back.

“My boobs are crushing me,” the 23-year-old starlet, who underwent 10 plastic surgeries earlier this year, told LIFE & STYLE magazine. “My body’s still getting used to them and I have major anxiety about it.” Waaaaaaaa…

Montag also revealed that her G-cup breast implants are “so heavy” they constantly strain her back.

“I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs,” she said. “It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life. I feel trapped in my own body.”‘

Poor, poor Heidi. Apparently she never heard the adage “For want of a nail the kingdom was lost.”   Then again this is the confused young lady who once said she has always had a “crazy connection” with God.. then went out and mutilated the work of art God blessed her with. Crazy indeed.

timbaland, $2 million watch, distraught, suicide

Dude, wtf is wrong with your boy Timbaland? Timba went goofy when he found out his $2 mil watch was stolen. Cops picked him up after concerned family calls. Now the fam’ got him on suicide watch. Talk about a watch to die for!

First Suge Knight brought you Death Row, now Timbaland brings you Suicide Watch. Maybe they could team up and form Suicide Row? That would be hot, like flaming hellfire hot!

Who cares if his $2 million watch got stolen– we want to know is:  what is this drum machine button presser doing with a two million dollar watch????? Does button pressing  and cut/pasting audio clips pay that good now??????

Anyway,  maybe Timba should take time off  and learn to play an instrument. Might be therapeutic!?  Just lookin’ out for ya boy

PS: why is he named after a clothing company? Got materialism?

On the heels of report stating 1 in 5 Americans think Obama is a Muslim, the Reverend Franklin Graham, son of the Rev. Billy Graham, opined, “I think the president’s problem is that he was born a Muslim, his father was a Muslim. The seed of Islam is passed through the father like the seed of Judaism is passed through the mother.”  Say what? Did he just say ‘the SEED of Islam’??? Whatchya been reading Frank? Huh? The only PROBLEM is the seed of ignorance calling itself a BRAIN in Frank’s head.

Yesterday Wyclef Jean (who is somewhere in hiding) first said he was SHOCKED to learn he was deemed Ineligible to be Haiti’s president– really SHOCKED??  —- but never the less said he respected the decision. Good right? Well TODAY he’s got a different story . Today he says he’s sending his lawyer to Haiti to appeal the decision in Haiti’s court. Wow, real DECISIVE leadership (wink) Wyclef. Hey Wyclef I have an idea? Make friend SEAN PENN your running mate? It would be the “SEAN-JEAN” ticket. Instant brand name recognition in Haiti.

Spencer Pratt is shopping a porn DVD that he says would make other celebrity sex tapes look like child’s play. He told US Mag: “I’ve been making films since I was in the 7th grade, I’m looking forward to people seeing my directorial debut.” Reports are that Heidi doesn’t want any part of it and Spencer is trying to bribe her or something. Isn’t that against the law? Extortion anyone?

The short and tragic story of how Dan Gilbert lost his coveted king Lebron James. Will make a lot more sense if you have seen the movie or are familiar with the book Where the Wild Things Are.